The Best Horror Movies You May Not Have Seen. Love, A Horror Snob.

Is Horror your RomCom?? Me too.

You're not gonna find the classics on this list because they are assumed. So don't get pissy and say "What about The Shining?" This is a list of horror gems you may not have seen...

Ps - I'm always on the lookout for a movie that will make you run faster up the basement stairs so please fwd your favs.  

A Cocktail of Fears: Zombies, Vampires, Werewolves, Ghosts, Sharks, STDs and Religion.

  1. Black Death – Yes Sean Bean is in another movie with swords and chain mail however, this movie is way more of a horror movie set in medieval times…and forget what you know, there are no good guys in this one.
  2. Dead Snow – The Nazis were frustrating enough. Now imagine Nazi zombies. Great flick.
  3. Drag Me To Hell – Ya know you try to get ahead at work until some lady with a cloudy eye walks in and ruins everything.
  4. Ginger Snapped – Yes teenage girls are a pain in the ass…but you gotta feel for the ones that become werewolves.
  5. House of the Devil – An homage to 70s/early 80s horror…remember when you’d just pick up the phone and babysit for a random stranger? Not anymore. Nope. Nope. Nope. 
  6. Let The Right One In – No one is gonna mess with you when a vampire has got your back. ..and read the GD subtitles because  the original is way better.
  7. Thanatomorphose –Your sex life really takes the hit when you start rotting from the inside. Way better than Contracted. Similar premise. Better acting…and way more mason jars :/
  8. The Changling – No not the one with Angelina Jolie. The one with George C. Scott. He moves in a house that no one would. Not you. Not me. Not anyone.
  9. The Descent – A solid “You just had to go down there didn’t you…” movie.
  10. The Reef-  It will make you grateful to be sitting on your couch instead of trying to out swim a hungry shark in the middle of the Great Barrier Reef. Based on a true story. For anyone that loves sharkporn.
  11. Trollhunter – Not really that scary. Just an awesome troll movie that will make you spontaneously say "TROLLLLL" around strangers. 
  12. We Are What We Are – Religion and familial guilt will make you do some f*cked up sh*t.
  13. Don’t Be Afraid Of The Dark – The CGI kinda sucks but the ending might surprise you and it will make you very grateful for your teeth.

Totally Worth The Mental Scars:

  1. Audition – I watched this because Rob Zombie said it scared him….and if it can scare Rob Zombie then…
  2. Coldfish – It’s a slippery slope in the fish biz….loosely based on a true story. Phenomenal acting. VIVA DEN DEN.
  3. Funny Games – I saw the remake with Naomi Watts & Tim Roth…It’s slow but intense.. if nothing else it will make you spring for better cell service the next time you’re on vaca in a remote area.
  4. Human Centipede – I never thought I’d see this movie. Never wanted to. Then I did and I actually liked it.  Dieter Laser is a perfect villain and dare I say, I thought it was tastefully done. Pardon the pun :/
  5. Mientras Duermes – Give it up to a stalker willing to go the extra mile!  More of a psychological thriller but creepy enough to leave you seriously second guessing your doorman.

Blood and LoLs:

  1. Slither – When you find someone infested with alien worms… you have to walk away. Got it? Walk. Away.
  2. Teeth – Be careful what you wish for because that super hot virgin could have sharp teeth in her vagina.
  3. The Host – Pollution sucks. Especially when it creates a mutant fish that kidnaps your little sister.
  4. Tucker and Dale vs Evil. – The Darwin Awards on crack. 

And if you read my list and rolled your eyes than check this list. 



Dream Job: Magician's Assistant.

magician assistant.jpg

People ask, "when did you know you were destined for magic?" No it wasn't Chris Angel or David Blaine...I am not a fan of their kind of magic. It was the serendipitous moment when I discovered Tony and Yasmin Risotto. Click here for their website and you'll understand why. 

*I would be remiss not to mention another magical mentor of sorts, Mr. Gob Bluth.

Let's Get "Tacky".

Now this is good!! Even if Weird Al makes you uncomfortable in the same way that magicians/ventriloquists do, give this one a go. The high kick from Jack Black and his fanny pack twerk sesh might seal it for you. The only downside is how this song might effect Americans. We don't need an anthem encouraging us to be more tacky. 

Even better? You know someone, somewhere, is going to watch this and say, "What's so bad about Comic Sans?"

Why I Love Hodor.

Not only does Hodor sleep against a wall like it's a Temperpedic mattress, one can only assume that he gives the best piggyback rides ever. Ps - Hodor.